Of late, I have experienced a renewed realization that I am incredibly needy for Jesus. Incredible works of literature, good movies (including Alice in Wonderland), good conversations, Starbucks, thoughts about China, and plans for the future cannot sufficiently fill me. I've noticed that one of the biggest, and most obvious, signs that I am very dry is when I find life monotonous. Well, I guess it really is without Jesus.
Now I am at a place where I am overwhelmed with guilt over letting myself travel so far into the realm of "monotony." It was within my ability as His child to take the first step to simply spend time with Him and experience the full effect of "spring" (to simply seek Him). I have, without a doubt, spent many more hours pleasure seeking (wholesome pleasures) than I have nurturing my relationship with Jesus, who I should consider the ultimate pleasure.
Another pathetic thing is that last October when I returned to the U.S. from China I was totally enamored with Jesus. The crazy thing is that I got to know Jesus in a special way while in a communist country, but came back to America where there is no need to hide God's Word, or sneak to church, but here is where I have been walking on stale bread.
I am disgustingly spoiled. I take the perfect and flawless accessibility I have to the Creator completely for granted. Also, the accessibility I have to His Word has been totally taken for granted.
I hate that I have been living in such a draught, but I'm infinitely grateful that He hasn't left me there. I suppose seeing that you're in a desert is the first step in getting out.
"Great is His faithfulness...."
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